Shannon, thank you. It’s difficult to get to someone at 7am but I’m reading this in tears. I relate to this on so many levels that it’s painful. I spent the majority of my formative years in theatre, music, pantomime, clubbing, etc as I’ve always been a social creature and very much an extrovert. Over the past 5 years or so, I work in my dark basement in front of 5 monitors and my only interaction is via Teams or Outlook. The pandemic changed me. It changed the world around me. I constantly live in a state of panic and fear. Not for diseases though. But for the human race as a whole. I’ve served 3 combat tours overseas, did a stint as a deputy sheriff, and as an EMT. I’ve always lived for protecting others and being part of my community. Now my anxiety skyrockets when I need to go to the grocery store. I can’t bear the thought of running into someone I know and having to talk in public. I work daily to tell myself it’s all in my head but isolation is a powerful force that literally changes who you are. I look forward to the days of finding the old me and ridding myself of Zoloft and Prazosin. Of reengaging in my community whether on stage or in my local VFW. Being alone is such a new concept for me that it almost seems impossible to escape but I see that there is hope. There is a purpose. I only need to find that that purpose and run hard and fast towards it…
This is deep and heavy, Mat. I didn't mean for you to well up when you woke up! But I'm glad it connected with you in some way. I could never be the one to tell you to come off medication or drown yourself in something like alcohol. What I can say is that for every moment you sit in a basement alone, you have an equal chance to shift your thinking to come out of it. It's easy to fall down a rabbit hole of despair--especially as we get older and have less friends to be around. Whether it's our jobs, home life, strained relationships, we all have the power to shift that thinking. Choice is equal across all spectrums. But how you choose is different for everyone. For me, I found it in daily exercise. By the time the pandemic hit, I knew I didn't want to fall down any unhealthy rabbit holes. I resisted the one thing that I value the most today and that's doing yoga. If nature and hiking helped me reconnect with the Earth, I discovered yoga connected me more with myself. But that's how it worked for me.
You may find another way to come out of it. The important thing is that you MUST go into everyday asking yourself the hard question at the end of my post. I can't answer it for anyone because it needs to be answered for yourself with brutal honesty.
Remind yourself to shift the word "alone" to "solitude". Solitude puts an end to wallow and shines a light on the appreciation of what you're given every day when you wake up and open your eyes--a chance to live on purpose.
Thank you so much Natalie! Doesn't it blow your mind that it has been 30 years ago? I feel like it was just yesterday! Thank you for being so supportive with this piece. I really do appreciate it so much. 🙏
Well said my friend. I do the game announcements for the Globe Tigers and I run into your former faculty members all the time and students from time to time and they have nothing but good things to say about you. I feel you bro.
Wow, they're still there? I feel like a lot of them might have retired or moved on. I know that Stacy Waddell was there for a while, but I don't think she teaches there anymore. It makes me wonder who is still at Globe High.
Thanks Ripdawg! I was watching something by Joseph Gordon Levitt the other day and noticed how he delivered his essay. I thought to myself yesterday, "Yes, people consume differently and this would be a great way to deliver the essay. I know that if someone wanted to read it but didn't have time, they could listen to it. Also, I'm sure you noticed I changed a couple of things around in the essay. Thank you for being so supportive, my friend!
Shannon, thank you. It’s difficult to get to someone at 7am but I’m reading this in tears. I relate to this on so many levels that it’s painful. I spent the majority of my formative years in theatre, music, pantomime, clubbing, etc as I’ve always been a social creature and very much an extrovert. Over the past 5 years or so, I work in my dark basement in front of 5 monitors and my only interaction is via Teams or Outlook. The pandemic changed me. It changed the world around me. I constantly live in a state of panic and fear. Not for diseases though. But for the human race as a whole. I’ve served 3 combat tours overseas, did a stint as a deputy sheriff, and as an EMT. I’ve always lived for protecting others and being part of my community. Now my anxiety skyrockets when I need to go to the grocery store. I can’t bear the thought of running into someone I know and having to talk in public. I work daily to tell myself it’s all in my head but isolation is a powerful force that literally changes who you are. I look forward to the days of finding the old me and ridding myself of Zoloft and Prazosin. Of reengaging in my community whether on stage or in my local VFW. Being alone is such a new concept for me that it almost seems impossible to escape but I see that there is hope. There is a purpose. I only need to find that that purpose and run hard and fast towards it…
This is deep and heavy, Mat. I didn't mean for you to well up when you woke up! But I'm glad it connected with you in some way. I could never be the one to tell you to come off medication or drown yourself in something like alcohol. What I can say is that for every moment you sit in a basement alone, you have an equal chance to shift your thinking to come out of it. It's easy to fall down a rabbit hole of despair--especially as we get older and have less friends to be around. Whether it's our jobs, home life, strained relationships, we all have the power to shift that thinking. Choice is equal across all spectrums. But how you choose is different for everyone. For me, I found it in daily exercise. By the time the pandemic hit, I knew I didn't want to fall down any unhealthy rabbit holes. I resisted the one thing that I value the most today and that's doing yoga. If nature and hiking helped me reconnect with the Earth, I discovered yoga connected me more with myself. But that's how it worked for me.
You may find another way to come out of it. The important thing is that you MUST go into everyday asking yourself the hard question at the end of my post. I can't answer it for anyone because it needs to be answered for yourself with brutal honesty.
Remind yourself to shift the word "alone" to "solitude". Solitude puts an end to wallow and shines a light on the appreciation of what you're given every day when you wake up and open your eyes--a chance to live on purpose.
You got this, my man!
I needed this tight now. Thankyou
You’re so welcome, my friend!!
Beautifully said Shannon. Happy to know you are still the same wonderful soul I knew 30 (!?!?!?) years ago. Can’t wait to read your future writings.
Thank you so much Natalie! Doesn't it blow your mind that it has been 30 years ago? I feel like it was just yesterday! Thank you for being so supportive with this piece. I really do appreciate it so much. 🙏
Well said my friend. I do the game announcements for the Globe Tigers and I run into your former faculty members all the time and students from time to time and they have nothing but good things to say about you. I feel you bro.
Wow, they're still there? I feel like a lot of them might have retired or moved on. I know that Stacy Waddell was there for a while, but I don't think she teaches there anymore. It makes me wonder who is still at Globe High.
Stephanie Aguirre who is now Stephanie Garcia was talking about you a while back and said that'd be cool if you came back
💜💜💗💗
Thanks Ripdawg! I was watching something by Joseph Gordon Levitt the other day and noticed how he delivered his essay. I thought to myself yesterday, "Yes, people consume differently and this would be a great way to deliver the essay. I know that if someone wanted to read it but didn't have time, they could listen to it. Also, I'm sure you noticed I changed a couple of things around in the essay. Thank you for being so supportive, my friend!